


like the sun came out

by ignitethestars



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Han is a supportive bae, Leia Deals With Her Trauma, Spooning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 19:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11720874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignitethestars/pseuds/ignitethestars
Summary: The pain the interrogation droid had made her feel was nothing compared to the pain of this. The pain was agonizing, and felt infinite in its depth and magnitude. She felt her heart shatter in her chest, mirroring the way Alderaan had broken apart. Screams echoed in her ears, cutting off the air from her lungs and she felt like she too was dying.Her mother...her father...everyone she ever knew…gone. In the blink of an eye, in the space between breaths. Turned to rocks and dust that would float lifelessly through the void of space for all eternity.They were just...gone.~Or, a few months after Endor, Leia has frequent nightmares about the worst day of her life, and Han is there to comfort her.





	like the sun came out

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for mary-twig on Tumblr for the Hanleia Summer fic exchange! Hope you enjoy, dear.
> 
> Notes: there are some strong references to Leia's torture in ANH, as well as Alderaan's destruction, so... discretion advised?
> 
> Also I intentionally kept this vague on which canon it belongs to: it can either be Disney!canon, or EU!Canon, or a complete AU!

_ The floors were pristine, clear to the point that they served as mirrors, distorting reflections into monstrous shapes, twisting faces so that they were unrecognizable. And it was cold, the kind of cold that made your bones feel hollow and like lead all at once. _

 

_ It was hell, once hell had frozen over and turned to marble, and the devil was more machine than man, with a distorted voice and heavy breathing. _

 

_ Leia’s head throbbed, and she was sore all over. The pain was no longer agonizing, thank the gods, but she felt sick. The kind of sickness that came after one was violated so violently. The interrogation droid had done it's job well, had made her feel pain so terrible that she wondered if she was dying, but she hadn't broke. She never screamed, instead she kept her teeth clenched and waited for the waves of pain to ride out.  _

 

_ She was going to die here. They would schedule her execution sooner or later, once they decided they had no use for her. She would die in the belly of the beast, her mission incomplete and the galaxy still ruled by fear and control. _

 

_ Her thoughts turned to her father, Bail. He was back on Alderaan by now, surely. She wondered if he and her mother, Breha, knew where she was. Or if they knew she was alive at all. _

 

_ Maybe it was a blessing if they thought she was dead. They wouldn't have the bear the knowledge of the pain she had been subjected to, the horrors she’d faced. _

 

_ There was still hope, though. A small sliver of hope, burning like a fading star, in the form of an Artoo unit. If the Empire was torturing her for them, then they didn't know she’d already smuggled it away. _

 

_ She wouldn't be the first to die for these plans, no, there had been so many losses back on Scarif (their names had become a mantra in Leia’s mind, a reminder of what had already been lost. It had grounded her during the interrogation, and the names still echoed in her mind). Maybe hers would be the last. She prayed that it would be. _

 

_ She was brought out of her reverie by two officers stepping into the room. Their appearance was quickly forgotten as a third figure emerged into the room. A living shadow that seemed to suck out all light in the room, blanketing in an overwhelming darkness that Leia forgot to breathe. _

 

_ But the feeling soon passed, and Leia stood up to her full height, and tilted her chin up at Vader in defiance. She was not afraid. If she was, the emotion was buried so far beneath her anger and rage, that she did not know it existed. _

 

_ She wanted to say something, to snap at Vader, use her anger through her words, but couldn't bring herself to, yet.  _

 

_ If he was surprised, he didn't show it. Instead, he swept away from the doorway, allowing the two officers to exit. Then he grabbed Leia by the shoulder and directed her outside of her cell.  _

 

_ She didn't speak until they reached their destination, and she caught sight of Tarkin. The quip fell from her lips easily, dripping with venom, and Tarkin had only smiled. _

 

_ If they thought Tarkin could frighten her with his words and venomous charm, they were wrong. She’d die before giving the location of the Alliance base-- _

 

_ Alderaan. _

 

_ No. _

 

**_No_ ** _. _

 

_ The pain the interrogation droid had made her feel was nothing compared to the pain of this. The pain was agonizing, and felt infinite in its depth and magnitude. She felt her heart shatter in her chest, mirroring the way Alderaan had broken apart. Screams echoed in her ears, cutting off the air from her lungs and she felt like she too was dying.  _

 

_ Her mother...her father...everyone she ever knew…gone. In the blink of an eye, in the space between breaths. Turned to rocks and dust that would float lifelessly through the void of space for all eternity. _

 

_ They were just...gone. _

 

_ ~ ~ ~ _

 

She didn't make a sound as she woke up, the back of her nightgown soaked through with perspiration. Her heart slammed against her chest, and she felt a sharp pain in her head, enough to make her hiss and clap her hand to it, expecting to find something there.

 

Nothing was there but the memory, foggy yet distinct, of pain, and a cell, and an interrogation droid. 

 

Leia dropped her hand and took deep, shuddering breaths and waited for the phantom pains to fade, so that she could go back to sleep, and wake tomorrow acting as if she hadn't witnessed her planet’s destruction for the thousandth time in her slumber.

 

A heaviness settled down around her chest and shoulders like a cloak, and she felt cold. The kind of cold that so often accompanied loneliness and grief. She felt her bones turn to ice, her heart shatter, and her soul split apart as she recalled in vivid memory of the screams she’d heard during that moment. A sound she now knew had echoed throughout the Force like a shockwave.

 

The tears began to well, then fall, and then they wouldn't stop. She didn't wail or sob, she stayed quiet, watched as the tears fell from her cheeks and splattered across the duvet. 

 

Golden lights danced across the bedroom floor, reflecting from the window, and the city life beyond it. The sounds of Coruscant's nightlife grounded Leia back to the here and now, but a part of her soul and mind remained in the moment of Alderaan’s destruction.

 

A hand landed on her bare shoulder, the calloused fingers rubbing circles into the skin there, and a quiet, familiar voice asked, “Nightmare?”

 

Leia twisted her body so that she was looking down at Han. He was still laying down, using one arm to prop himself up, and the other fell down from her shoulder, ghosted down her arm, and fell to the bed.

 

“It was about Alderaan, and the Death Star.” Leia answered, looking down at Han’s hand, which was tracing shapes into the fabric of their blankets.

 

Han sucked in a breath at the mention of the Death Star. It had become a sore subject for him, but he wouldn't disclose why. 

 

“The droid, again?” Han asked lowly. He knew what Vader and Tarkin had put her through before he, Luke, Chewie, and Obi Wan had arrived to rescue her.

 

Leia swallowed thickly. It still marvelled her that Han was able to read her like a book. He heard the words she didn't say, understood the feelings she couldn't bring herself to voice. “Yes,” Leia answered at last. “I've been having it a lot lately, and I don't understand  _ why. _ ”

 

Han sat up straight and scooted up some so that he was parallel to her. He snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. She laid her head down on his shoulder, and breathed in the smell of him: grease from repairs on  _ the Falcon _ , a sniff of Corellian ale from earlier that night, and a pleasant, calming scent she couldn't identify immediately.

 

“Sometimes it takes awhile for things to sink in, for it to become real. And when it happens, it haunts ya.” Han replied thoughtfully. “And you’ve been through your fair share of  _ things.” _

 

Leia turned her gaze back to the window, to the bright lights and the people outside, living their lives in a way they hadn't been able to in years: freely.

 

“But why that? Why not any of the times I almost lost you, or Luke, or sent people to their deaths? Or any of the times I killed? Why is  _ this _ the thing to haunt me?” 

 

Han went silent for a moment before finally whispering, “Maybe there's more to it than that. Maybe it's anger.”

 

Leia decided to humor him. “Anger at what?”

 

“Anger regarding recent... revelations.” Han replied gently. Leia felt a chill go down her spine, and she could've sworn she heard an echo of breathing somewhere from the shadows of the room.

 

“Anger at  _ him _ , you mean?” Leia said tightly. Of course it boiled down to that, to  _ him.  _ The monster from every Alderaanian fairytale Leia had read as a child. A man who was barely a man, made of darkness and machinery. The man that, unfortunately, happened to be her biological father.

 

Leia used the term loosely. His blood may run through her veins, but her father always had been, and always would be, Bail Organa. Bail had been the one to sing her to sleep, to dance around the palace with her, her small feet on top of his. 

 

Luke might've been able to forgive Vader for his sins, but Leia never would. Not when he had forced her to watch her homeworld die--her parents along with it--or when he had tortured her, then three years later, Han. He almost killed Luke. He succeeded in killing Obi Wan. Force knew exactly how many dead bodies were left in the wake of Darth Vader's shadow.

 

And even now, after death, he kept on taking and taking.

 

“Darling, you have every right to be angry, to be furious at him. No one is askin’ you to be okay with it, to forget the scars he gave you. And one day, these dreams will stop. You won't be able to move on, but it'll be easier to live with.” Han said, his eyes boring into hers, a plea and a promise in his. Promises to be there, to calm her down from any nightmares she had. A plea to believe him that it would indeed get better.

 

“You think so?”

 

He shrugged, “It's what happened to me after Bespin.”

 

Leia felt a rush of love and affection, all directed at Han. He was her rock, the person to keep her going, to keep her grounded. He believed in her, and that's all she needed to know.

 

She gave him a quick peck on the cheek, before allowing a small, watery smile pass across her face. “Hold me?”

 

“Always,” Han replied, lying back down. She followed suit, scooted back to him so her back was pressed against his front. He wrapped a long arm around her torso and buried his head in her hair, peppering kisses into her scalp. “I love you.”

 

“I know.” Leia replied as she closed her eyes.

 

A few moments ticked by before the silence was interrupted by Han whispering, “Hon?”

 

“Mhmm?”

 

“This isn't right...I mean...are  _ you _ comfortable?” Han asked. Leia shifted around and found that she wasn't comfortable, or at least not enough to be able to sleep.

 

“Roll over,” she instructed, sitting back up. Han listened, and rolled over so that his back was to her. She scooted up to him, aligning herself beside him, and pulled her pillows closer to his. Once that was sorted, she laid down and wrapped her arms around his torso.

 

Comfort rolled over her like waves in the ocean, and she felt her eyes grow heavy. Her eyes fluttered shut, and she dozed off to the feeling of Han’s chest rising and falling with each breath under her arms.

 

She slept peacefully for the rest of the night, instead of nightmares about her father, Leia  dreamt of beautiful hazel eyes, and warm arms that kept her falling into the darkness of her past. She dreamt of Han’s lopsided smile, his laugh, and the way his lips felt against hers.

 

She dreamt of the future they had together, bright and shining with infinite possibility, and all the moments in between now and then.

 

And when she woke the next morning, she found Han silhouetted against the pale white rays of sunshine from their bedroom window, a cup of steaming caf in his hand as he leaned over the bed to kiss her softly, before sitting down at the foot of the bed while she drank her caf.

 

Their future began today: it could be filled with joy or sorrow, or both, and Leia would be okay with it all, so long as it meant that Han would stay by her side until they were old and gray. 

 

As his lips found hers in the morning light, Leia thought of an old saying her mother use to tell her:  _ endings happen so that new beginnings can occur. _

 

She had lost so much, but in return, she gained so much more.


End file.
